http://lieslieslies.tumblr.com/

You know what I hate!

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:32:36 -0800

Hey ladies, doesn’t it totally suck when you go number 2 and the water level is too high and the tip of your penis dips into the water and it’s all cold and weird feeling? Me too.

Er, I mean, don’t you hate when the sanitary napkin disposal box in the stall you’re in is all smelly?

Leverage

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:07:01 -0800

Some of you may remember when I was offered a job at Zumiez (get a life!) towards the end of summer and they dropped the ball and never followed through. I was pretty pissed off because I needed the money and it’s been difficult finding employment.

I now work at Express. Today, however, the manager from Zumiez leaves me a guilt-ridden voicemail apologizing and asking if she can buy me a coffee and discuss still working there, yadda yadda yadda. She really wants to make up for screwing me.

So, I’m going into this ‘meeting’ as if it’s a huge negotiation. I’ma get paid, motherfuckers. I’m gonna make this work for me. Work, work, work it out.

I FEEL LIKE JACK DONAGHY!

(Won’t it be cool when I’ll be negotiating things I’ve written and cared about instead of minimum wages at the mall? LOL I DON’T WANT TO KILL MYSELF RIGHT?)

A fast way to my heart (which, sometimes, is located on my crotch):

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:59:00 -0800

Jean Jackets

kelsyabbott: I was born 52 minutes before my twin sister Kelly. I remember in the womb pushing her...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:57:46 -0800

kelsyabbott:

I was born 52 minutes before my twin sister Kelly. I remember in the womb pushing her out of the way, holding her back with my feet so I could be born first. My older brother says that I’m a liar- that I couldn’t possibly remember doing that. What does he know? He’s not as smart as I am. I was stronger and smarter than Kelly. Always was, always would be. It wasn’t her fault, but I never let her forget that I was older and better than her. Then in the summer of 1992 it happened. It. My family and I were on some lame “Safari Adventure” in Springfield, Illinois. Basically, you drove around this fake jungle and got to look at some elderly lions and tigers. There might have been other animals, I don’t remember. I do remember, however, telling my brother’s friend the story of my birth where I pushed past Kelly and won the race of life. Before I had got to the part where I was smarter than her, Kelly screamed, “Oh shut up! What is your problem?” and stormed out of the car. Mother rolled down her window and yelled for Kelly to get back in. “What a dummy.” I thought. “Those security guards are going to arrest her!” Unfortunately, no security guards got to her before a lion did. We watched her get ripped apart for nearly 5 minutes before a man came with a shotgun and got the lion off her. Mom cried and cried. My brother cried. My brother’s friend cried. The security guards cried. I didn’t cry because it wasn’t my fucking fault. Survival of the fittest, bro. Survival of me.

bonerparty: what’s fucking great about cultural gentrification...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:42:22 -0800

bonerparty:

what’s fucking great about cultural gentrification is, like, fifty years ago i’d have to go to Appalachia to bang chicks like Joanna Newsom. and even then i’d have to arm wrestle a bearded guy for her under a full moon while the whole village clapped.

now all i have to do is hop on a train to Brooklyn and PRESTO. i’m *THIS* close to moving out there and just putting a bottle of Charles Shaw and a Smiths record on the end of a fishing pole and dangling it out my window.

This woman’s butt is significant. And haunting.

whydoihaveablog: etrangere: Memories… Well, when I saw this...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:38:11 -0800

whydoihaveablog:

etrangere:

Memories…

Well, when I saw this on my dashboard a few mornings ago, I was still beary-eyed and half-awake. I had to lean in closely to see if this was us or not.

I really love that we did things like this as teenagers.

WEIRD. I didn’t know ‘forking’ someone’s lawn was a thing. One time Sean and I stumbled out of my house, ridiculously stoned, to walk to the gas station. We passed my neighbors forked lawn and my mind got blown. I just stared at it. What. Is. This? We had no idea.

downlikehoney: oldie but always goodie.

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:14:00 -0800

downlikehoney:

oldie but always goodie.

MOTOWN: BETTER THAN YOUR TOWN

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:12:26 -0800

Anarchy means I litter.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:05:24 -0800

Anarchy means I litter.

amandalynferri:danmeth: We’ve got another T-Shirt for sale!For...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:11:25 -0800

amandalynferri:danmeth:

We’ve got another T-Shirt for sale!
For all the ultra music geeks out there: A Beach Boys/Black Flag mashup. If you’ve always liked hardcore punk but you really dig the oldies a bit more (or vise-versa!), than this is the shirt for you. Click on over to Miss Wit T-Shirts to purchase one! There’s also this other Beach Boys shirt for sale based on my Pop Cultural Chart!

FUN FACT: Both of these bands started out with 5 miles of each other in the outskirts of southern Los Angeles!

My two favorites in one! Great job Dan.

ILL.

girlinport: gpoyw probably a recycle but i love it...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:55:36 -0800

girlinport:

gpoyw probably a recycle but i love it edition.

What are you doing here?

I'M SICK AS HELL, SICKER THAN SICKLE CELL.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:51:42 -0800

GPOYW: Look how much fucking fun I’m having.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:30:05 -0800

GPOYW: Look how much fucking fun I’m having.

youcankeepthechange: thefondest: (via Jezebel) LOOKIN DOPE

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:28:54 -0800

youcankeepthechange:

thefondest: (via Jezebel)

LOOKIN DOPE

A year ago today.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:55:57 -0800

Around this time I was watching the results come in with my roommates, filled with a hope and excitement I hadn’t before experienced. Hours later Gabe and I ran through the Mervyn’s parking lot, felt wrong to walk, to Ralph’s, returning, laughing, arms full of champagne bottles.

Today I feel normal. Not disappointed, not elated. I’m not saying things have gone downhill, at all, I’m just remarking on the juxtaposition.

I guess this is a nice middle. I just remembered that on top of the champagne-grins was the Prop8-frown. Oh well. Carry on.

Heart, Crazy On You Wanna be Trip Fontaine.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:05:32 -0800

Heart, Crazy On You

Wanna be Trip Fontaine.

The Redhead From The Blockbuster That Was A Bar

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:08:54 -0800

In the backroom, which is now a record shop
she stands at a kiosk, bare freckled shoulders.
My uncle urges me to talk to her and there
is no fear.
She’s not taken, she doesn’t like women, she gets off at 8.
But I can’t do 8. Family, familiar obligations.
She doesn’t like that, she turns those shoulders, cast
in red velvet light.
The room is now a bar, there is a party.
On the sticky linoleum steps she sits next to me.
The shoulder freckles dancing from hers to mine.
“It’s a shame,” I say, as jiggers topple like towers and
immediately raised again.
She quotes Pierrot le fou, I counter Masculin Feminin.
She thinks, “Maybe waiting is worth it.”
Her soft lips sign my cheek. There will be a date.
I remove my socks and we both jump into the neon-blue pool.
Along with the rest of the party.

————-

This was an actual dream I had last night and it was so fucking vivid. Bumzo to wake up from it.

Not convinced that the Yogurt Shop Murders were unsolved. Nothing infuriates me more than things...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:35:09 -0800

Not convinced that the Yogurt Shop Murders were unsolved. Nothing infuriates me more than things like this. The not-knowing.

"Whiskey makes the heart beat faster but it sure doesn’t help the mind and isn’t if funny..."

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:02:28 -0800

“Whiskey makes the heart beat faster but it sure doesn’t help the mind and isn’t if funny how you can ache just from the deadly drone of existence?”

- Bukowski, from purple glow.

lemon stealing whore!

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:50:54 -0800

lemon stealing whore!:

piratekitten:

the funniest porn i’ve ever seen in my entire life. i really enjoy pornography that doesn’t take itself seriously. not at all safe for work.

This is so worth watching. I beg you to at least watch the first minute and half (nothing sexual for you prudes).

HEY WHAT THE FUCK!

New catchphrase.